Friday, September 30, 2011

76. I'm giving you everything.

Spice Girls kick butt. The 90's at 9 greet me most mornings on the way to work, usually not when I am pulling into the parking lot but when I am still several minutes away. On a bad day it greets me as I pull out of my driveway. Did I mention I start work at 9?

I was going to make this an outfit post, but while going through my reader I found an article that made me think. The link list was posted by Sal at Already Pretty, to this post on Beautifully Invisible which was a guest post by Dress by Courage. If you're interested, take a read and let me know what you think in the comments.

The above picture is one of me back in 2007 while on an EF tour. On Easter Sunday in Verona, Italy, I stood on a street corner and sang Ave Maria. I have been singing literally as long as I can remember. My Dad tells a story about how I started singing, and I've heard it many times. Apparently a friend of my mother's, who played many instruments and was very musical herself, heard me singing along to Disney movies and told my Dad that I shouldn't be able to do that. That meaning sing along on key hitting all the notes. He always says he laughed and said they didn't know I wasn't supposed to be able to do it.

Growing up and through highschool, I sang in public at school concerts many times. I was still insecure through my early teen years, but a combination of a school volunteer group and mostly my Drama troupe helped me become more confident. Being on stage during our Regional Drama Festival was always the best feeling. All of my nerves melted away once I started singing and I just remember being so comfortable on stage. I still get this on the rare occasion I'm in front of large groups. I tend to get this feeling at concerts too, when I ache to be up on stage in front of the 1000's of people.

So how is this related to the article? I was caught off-guard by this quote: “Most women’s knee-jerk reaction to a compliment is to think that the other person is just being nice, or feeling sorry for them.” ohmygod. This is exactly what I think every single time someone compliments me, especially my boyfriend. I like my hair, I usually like my body, and sometimes I think I look pretty damn good, but I never really think a compliment is sincere. The author lists in her ways to embrace compliments you're given, one which includes owning your accomplishments. This is when my perspective slapped me in the face. I realized the only thing I am 100% sure of is my voice. I don't ever think that someone is complimenting me just to be nice when I sing. I would never not believe someone if they tell me enjoyed listening to me, or how pretty my voice is, or how I sound like an angel (I've gotten this a few times actually). How am I able to separate this from every part of me as being so secure but yet I can't just take a damn compliment?

This is my new mission. When someone, anyone, gives me a compliment I will stop doubting myself. I will stop thinking it's just being they pity me, or because they're being nice, or because they're just joking. I will stop this because it will hurt no one other than me. Instead, I will thank them and force myself to think, yeah they're right. I am awesome.

Til next time!

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