143. Emotional states

I've got photos to edit, posts to publish, and yet school manages to get in the way again. Two papers of my own, an assignment, two midterms, and a group project since my last post. Along with the rest of the term papers (that I'm currently ignoring) that are going to plan my death for the end of November. You can understand my need to get away for a little while. The last post here was about the things I'm thankful for, but had a few cryptic points about the weekend I'd had. I'm mostly over those events even with the milestone that passed a few days ago. I was taking a little study break just a few minutes ago, reading another article from Thought Catalog, when one of the points in the article struck me as being so true.

This article has a lot of good points that make a lot of sense but one sentence in particular smacked me in the face. It's rather unsettling when words do that, but that's why I'm a words person. I like the power of them. Anyways, the quote goes like this:

Your passing emotional states can’t be trusted for measuring your self-worth or your position in life, but they are great at teaching you what it is you can’t let go of.

 

Now, this may just be me but that line holds a lot of significance for me. I have a tendency to rely on emotions and the fact that if I feel a certain way it means I'm weak. But no, it actually doesn't. It just means I have to accept there are some things I am not over or things I might continue to feel in certain situations. How I'm feeling will change many times in the run of a day. I'll realize again that this is a process that takes time.

Rant over, as I must get back to studying! Check out the article if you're interested, it's a good read. I've found some really interesting stuff on TC, it's worth a look. 

Til next time!

Sometimes..

this is my current mantra. my relationship status has changed, so I'm readjusting to life again. I may be a little less present in the coming weeks, but I will be back. I hope you'll all bear with me through this, knowing someone might be out there caring about what I say is nice to know right about now.

til next time.

114. Don't stop (til you get it all done!)

2012 has been one thing for me so far: busy! I'm working on preparations for Harlow, packing up and buying supplies that I won't be able to get. Trying to get some inspiration from all the 30x30 challenges I've followed to minimize the wardrobe I'm taking. It's not as easy as I thought hoped it might be! 

A little blogging break over Christmas was very needed, and I'll probably be taking another break til I get everything figured out overseas. I've even got some overdue Christmas outfits to post. I'm thinking scheduled posts for the next few days are a definite.

 

So in a break from packing and organizing, Kym from Bitty and Bunny was so sweet in passing on this award to me! I love things like this, but this is my first award-themed post! Read on for the rules and my take on things!

rules:

• link back to the blogger you got the award from
• write 7 things about yourself
• fill in the question form below
• give the award to 10 other bloggers

Q&A:

favorite song: Hey Jude - The Beatles, Let It Be Me - Ray Lamontagne, Sparks - Coldplay, Work - Jimmy Eat World, etc.

favorite dessert: my Mom's cherry cake or trifle. 

what pisses you off: ignorant people, people who are intentionally mean.

when you're upset, you: cry, listen to music, or talk to my Mom.

your favorite pet: my dog Emmy, fat and cuddly. 

black or white: black.

biggest fear: being alone.

best feature: my waist & long legs.

everyday attitude: content. 

what is perfection: being with friends and family, any time of year.

guilty pleasure: Glee, Grey's, chocolate.

7 Random Things About Me:

1. Though I haven't had braces since 2006, I still have retainers and wear a mouth guard nightly. I'm super cool like that. 

2. I've only done 2 flights by myself, and on Friday I fly across the Atlantic alone. I'm so nervous.

3. I find cooking to be pointless. You put all that effort in to cook, and then eat. Baking you get to share and enjoy for several days, makes much more sense to me haha. 

4. Even during the summer, I'm always covered up with a blanket when I'm watching tv. Unless it's super warm. 

5. I use mostly beer glasses collected free from give-aways. We've got quite a collection here.

6. I'd leave my Christmas tree up from November to February if I wouldn't get strange looks from my roommates. 

7. I've never had to do my own laundry on a regular basis. Harlow will be my first time being accountable for laundry and being on my own completely. 

I'm passing this award onto Erica from NorthMeetsSouth, Kelly from Unremittingly Kel, Kileen from Cute and Little, Audrey from Putting Me Together, Terri from Stylish Sass, Lizzie from Place Clever Title Here, Sarah from Just Take A Bow, Em from Hippie Lace and Kayla Nails by Kayla Shevonne! All of these are blogs I definitely suggest you check out!

Off again, have to continue plowing through my list! Here's hoping I get some time to schedule posts!

Til next time!

89. Wandering through the park

This was such a nice day. Clearly, it was last week and I'm just late posting. Boyfriend was here to take these, and he still doesn't ask why I want pictures of my outfit. I really do love him lol.

Jacket - Vero Moda / Shirt - H&M / Jeans - Guess / Flats - Clarks

A few pictures are a little weird. I kind of don't mind looking weird on my blog anymore. It's a strange feeling. I know I'm weird, and my outtakes are ridiculous, but as long as I'm not looking like a complete freak I like to post them. I think this is self-acceptance? The truest color of the shirt is in one of the middle pictures, where I'm picking a crumb off my shirt. My breakfast decided to go rogue, as most of my food does during meals.

So, a question. I hope someone responds, actually. I said what I really needed to say in my post on Monday. I think it was reasonably written, and I don't think I complained too much. I find that when I post things like that, I get less comments or views. Is it awkward to respond? Do you think I'm being whiny (which I probably am, I'm an only child and prone to it)? Or is it just that it's too long to read? I'd like your honest opinion on things. I really do enjoy writing, and my blog is the best place to showcase that. I'm just wondering if anyone's interested! Comment and let me know!

Til next time!

87. Perspective.

Another day at the office is about drone on. Off to calling people and gotten answering machines. Through procrastinating actual work and talking to boyfriend while he finishes night shift, our conversation landed upon the party that a friend of mine had on Friday. Perspective sometimes likes to weasel it's way into my mind, and now is one of those times. I debated how much I'd share here, but it's something I feel like I need to get out into the world.

Most "normal" university students engage in binge drinking and partying at every possible occasion. Some just drink, some just smoke, some do both. I'm not a straight-edge by any means, but this whole scene gets really tiring for me really quickly. I don't see the point in ingesting extra chemicals just to give yourself a temporary high. I don't understand why people would choose to turn themselves into idiots by smoking things. When I just don't want to participate in this behaviour, I get belittled. I've been called an old lady on many occasions because I like to get to bed early, I eat reasonably well, and I don't do anything illegal. Can someone please tell me what is wrong with that? 

I know it's just people poking fun because I'm not the same as they are. Others at parties chooses to participate, but I'm one of few who chooses to sit out. I wonder if it's just that they think I'm weird or if it's something else. Do they think less of me because I choose to take care of myself? Because I knew what I wanted to do with my life and I'm well on my way to doing it? I have never been one of those people who wants to go wild and do whatever I want. I do exactly what I want on a day to day basis, with the exception of work sometimes. I don't really like drinking all that much, because when I drink the expectation is to binge. I don't mind a glass of wine or three, or a yummy cocktail, but that's where my line is drawn. I would much rather waste my money on yoga classes, fresh fruit and veggies, nail polish, chocolate, massages, than spending it on copious amounts of alcohol which just hurt my head and make me feel like an idiot. 


My realization comes, of course, from talking to my mother. Of course she has the answer, she's a mom. When I tell her about how being a "normal" university student tires me, and how I want to make all these plans for my future, she let's me have it: "you're growing up." Well damn. That's right isn't it? I take care of my body, I try to take care of my mind, and I'm learning the importance of treating those around you as you'd like to be treated. I would rather stay in with my boyfriend and watch movies, or go out for an expensive fancy dinner than go downtown and party all night. My plans for how I want my life to go will end up happening, because that's how I want it to go. If they don't go according to plan, that's alright too but at least I know what direction in which I'm heading.

I could include details, but on the possibility that I go public to my friends and family with my blog, I really don't want to. Does anyone have an opinion? Or a comment to add? I would actually really like to hear your thoughts.

Til next time!

76. I'm giving you everything.

Spice Girls kick butt. The 90's at 9 greet me most mornings on the way to work, usually not when I am pulling into the parking lot but when I am still several minutes away. On a bad day it greets me as I pull out of my driveway. Did I mention I start work at 9?

I was going to make this an outfit post, but while going through my reader I found an article that made me think. The link list was posted by Sal at Already Pretty, to this post on Beautifully Invisible which was a guest post by Dress by Courage. If you're interested, take a read and let me know what you think in the comments.

The above picture is one of me back in 2007 while on an EF tour. On Easter Sunday in Verona, Italy, I stood on a street corner and sang Ave Maria. I have been singing literally as long as I can remember. My Dad tells a story about how I started singing, and I've heard it many times. Apparently a friend of my mother's, who played many instruments and was very musical herself, heard me singing along to Disney movies and told my Dad that I shouldn't be able to do that. That meaning sing along on key hitting all the notes. He always says he laughed and said they didn't know I wasn't supposed to be able to do it.

Growing up and through highschool, I sang in public at school concerts many times. I was still insecure through my early teen years, but a combination of a school volunteer group and mostly my Drama troupe helped me become more confident. Being on stage during our Regional Drama Festival was always the best feeling. All of my nerves melted away once I started singing and I just remember being so comfortable on stage. I still get this on the rare occasion I'm in front of large groups. I tend to get this feeling at concerts too, when I ache to be up on stage in front of the 1000's of people.

So how is this related to the article? I was caught off-guard by this quote: “Most women’s knee-jerk reaction to a compliment is to think that the other person is just being nice, or feeling sorry for them.” ohmygod. This is exactly what I think every single time someone compliments me, especially my boyfriend. I like my hair, I usually like my body, and sometimes I think I look pretty damn good, but I never really think a compliment is sincere. The author lists in her ways to embrace compliments you're given, one which includes owning your accomplishments. This is when my perspective slapped me in the face. I realized the only thing I am 100% sure of is my voice. I don't ever think that someone is complimenting me just to be nice when I sing. I would never not believe someone if they tell me enjoyed listening to me, or how pretty my voice is, or how I sound like an angel (I've gotten this a few times actually). How am I able to separate this from every part of me as being so secure but yet I can't just take a damn compliment?

This is my new mission. When someone, anyone, gives me a compliment I will stop doubting myself. I will stop thinking it's just being they pity me, or because they're being nice, or because they're just joking. I will stop this because it will hurt no one other than me. Instead, I will thank them and force myself to think, yeah they're right. I am awesome.

Til next time!

47. Things on my mind...

I'm annoyed because I have to study. Too annoyed. There's about 3 weeks left to my term, my last midterm is tomorrow, and then 5 finals to do one right after the other. I'll be taking a short hiatus on blogging. Studying comes first unfortunately. Cannot wait to get back to another workterm in the fall to have more time to blog and comment and read all of my favourite blogs!

In honour of my persistent annoyed state, or maybe despite it, I decided to make a list of 5 things that I need to be grateful and happy about. And things I can look forward to once this stupid semester is over!

1. Newfoundland's cool summer. This can sometimes be the most frustrating one. Below is the forecast for the next week. For those Americans reading, that means the highest temperature that I'm going to be seeing in the near future is 68 F. I need to love this fact, as I can't change it. The bright side is I don't have to worry about melting or not sleeping cause I'm too warm. This is a good thing. And I get to wear all my pretty sweaters all year round. Also good, right?

2. I'm almost finished another semester. This is also quite frustrating, not the being almost finished but the semester itself. I was told summer semester was death and I've realized that is very true. At least I'm almost done. Only 2 required courses after these 5, and even if I'm doing kind of crappy I'm still passing. With a B. A low B, but I take what I can get when historically a lot of people fail out from this term.

3. Boyfriend is still home. He drives me insane sometimes. I love him dearly, but he's a boy. That's just how it goes. But having him home is such a good thing because he takes care of the cleaning and basic running of the house while I study and go to school. I forget to eat and shower and take care of basic human functions at times like this. He will keep me going, make me eat and stay out of my way when I'm on a studying induced rage. I treasure this boy, and need reminding about how awesome he is sometimes.

4. I see my parents all the time. My parents have been back and forth a lot in the last few months. Dad's on dialysis now and thankfully for now it's working. I don't like that I hadn't been home in so long, but I get to see them alot. Being an only child makes me a giant sook. Their trips in may not be for good reasons, but Dad's health sucks and I have to look at the bright side of that one: he's doing alright for now and I get to spend more time with both of them.

5. I get a summer vacation. It may be short, but I get to have one between semester and my workterm. I don't know where I'll be working, but I know some of the things I'm going to do in my time off. Driving across NL to see my Grandma is one of the better ones. I haven't been to my Mom's hometown about 8 years, and since then a lot has changed. I'm looking forward to going back and seeing everything in a different perspective. And I can't forget September. I'll be working by that point but boyfriend and I are going to see Keith Urban in Toronto. He's so excited, it's adorable. I'm pretty excited too. This will actually be our first trip, just the two of us. Haven't been on one of those outside NL yet. Should be interesting.

source: billboard.com

I need to stop my complaining sometimes. All these things rock! And now...off to study!

Til next time!

40. This is where I become a slacker.

I had many wants for this week. I wanted to start the Kendi-inspired 30x30 remix. I wanted to remember to wear my pretty lace top, or find something new, to participate in this month's EBEW. I wanted to have enough time to study everything for my midterms and keep on top of blogging. But you know how it is....

University, in my case, but whatever. It's all the same. Social life and blogging loses out this week. I've got a few posts to catch up on when tomorrow is over, last exam for this week. Midterm break is up next followed by another exam. The joys.

In other news, looking forward to seeing everyone's remixes! I love when a remix happens, so much blogging to read :) Speaking of reading, has anyone been reading mine? I've been posting more regularly lately, sans this week, but I feel like I'm going down in readers, definitely down in comments. I don't feel like that's the only important thing about blogging, but I'm feeling a little invisible. If you're out there, let me know!

Til next time!

17. What size am I?

I'm pretty aware of my size. I may not always like it, but for the most part I know what sizes I take. Except for the couple extra pounds hanging on my hips (read: love-handles, blechhh) I'm happy most days with my body. Lately, it's not my body that's causing me grief, it's the sizing.

Clothing sizes have definitely changed in recent years, I know that much. And I've put on a few pounds too, I agree. But the way that I'm told I go down a size when in reality I know I haven't is kind of off-putting. It's nice, but putting on the new size in another store sometimes slaps you in the face with the fact that no, you aren't smaller. Your butt is the same, the number is just different.

I agree that it's terrible to have such a fixation on numbers, but there's always got to be some comparison. An 8 in one store shouldn't equal to a 4 in another. I need consistency people! So, listed below I've got some of my sizes, listed by retailer. I'm about 5'8"-ish, and I suppose you can gather around what my weight should be from the sizes. I forgot to measure myself so none of the hips to waist things. These sizes are about what I currently wear, and while some have stayed the same it's weird to me that things can vary so much.


Had to make a paint file so it would format right :)

In some cases, the sizes fit me perfectly. I tend to vary more in tops, mainly because I get my jeans or pants in a couple of specific places. If it fits, I will continue to shop there! Somewhat related to this way my shopping excursion to the Gap recently. I tried on a bunch of stuff, but only ended up getting three items. Side note on the jeans, I've fallen in love with the 1969 line. The Always Skinny in 29/8 L fit perfect and left enough to cover my ankles. Image from gap.com. Someone unfairly, the premium dress pants now offered do not fit at all, in any style. Dress pants do not fit me right, ever.

I found a long sleeved tee on sale, not found on the website. It's an XS and the perfect fit, though quite baggy in the torso. I think this must be the design, because while trying on the "Perfect shirt", pictured right, I found that the XS was tight. Not unbearably so, but a little too snug for comfort.

I think sizes need to be a little more regulated, overall. Vanity sizing does no one any good. I'll continue searching for button downs that actually fit, and dress pants that don't look funny. I'm stuck in between sizes in many places. The search for the perfect wardrobe continues.

Any comments on the sizing issue? Similar sizes and you've got suggestions on where to shop? Let me know in the comments!

Til next time!